Wicked Wringmaster, Part 1 [Eridan Ampora/Reader]

Note: Based on Andrew Hussie’s Homestuck. Part I is Eridan/reader but the whole story will contain Equius/reader and end with Gamzee/reader.

The title comes from Insane Clown Posse’s “Intro” on Carnival of Carnage. It’ll make more sense later on.

You weren’t satisfied with being a highblood, much less a purpleblood. When you were little, you used to frequently pray to the Mirthful Messiahs to drop your blood down to indigo, no matter how unrealistic vision that was. Instead, you were cursed with some “abominable cloning junk”, or so you were told. And the word “junk” wasn’t actually used in that explanation.

Whenever the struggle to control your murderous instincts became too great, your form would split in two. The doppelgänger with the degenerating sanity would attempt to get into a situation which would allow it to cull a troll of lower blood. That’s why you viewed your copy as an “it”, a deranged animal that needed to be hunted in the same manner in which you were eventually forced to slaughter your own lusus. (You gave the rather large body to Vriska, so it actually ended up saving more lives than you’d originally predicted.) So far, the worst effect was that once your copy was offed, you acquired its memories.

“It” means that my murder slate is practically clean.

Unless Gamzee stopped eating the sopor slime you’d pushed him to eat in the first place, you were pretty sure there would be no cullings in the compound.

Like I want the honor of being a Subjugglator…
***
“[knayme],” said Kanaya, “I was just about to transportalize.”

You’d attempted to isolate yourself. That didn’t work out so well, so instead you holed yourself up with Equius and Nepeta, whose moirallegiance you were very jealous of.

Less than half of the other twelve were aware of your unique ability, along with the terrible responsibility. Eridan knew you sporadically split but he had no clue what happened to your “spawn”, although you weren’t sure how much he knew about the bloodlust. Gamzee knew everything, but with all the sopor you pumped him full of, it didn’t matter. Directly, you told Equius what would happen if you didn’t bisect and you implied what happened to your clones but he didn’t know about the memories. Vriska used to beg you for the cadavers but you didn’t want to run the risk of her lusus developing a taste for [knayme]. Nepeta seemed scared of you sometimes, maybe not as scared as she was of “Vriskers”, but you were pretty sure her morail kept her informed.

The tingling daze that heralded the urgent need for a split briefly blurred your vision. It wasn’t physically unpleasant. You wanted to make this quick so you could go back to actually being alone. Hollow quadrants weren’t so bad.

“Kanaya, have you seen Gamzee?” you asked.

“No, but there are two bottles of Fay-”

He just left bottles of wicked elixir…on the floor? Oh well, his loss.

“Sweet! I’m thirsty. Do you want one?”

“Oh no,” she started, only slightly exasperated. “I was going to take the Matriorb-”

Oops, I’m impeding her.

“I’ll just ask Feferi and Sollux.”

Before gliding over to the horn pile, you watched Kanaya step onto the small dais. Only to be knocked off it by the arrival of Eridan Ampora.

“Kan, I’ve been meaning to thank you.”

“For what?” she asked.

“For all the trainin’ you did,” the seadweller answered graciously. “I wouldn’t be the incredible holy wizard I am now without your help.”

Kanaya smiled slightly and looked off to the side. She told him she just made him a wand.

Is this about his one-sided blackrom failure with that alien chick?

“Yeah, well, that’s all I needed, I guess.” His voice trembled. “I just needed for someone else to show a little faith in me so I’m saying I owe ya.”

“Okay, then,” replied the jadeblood. “You’re welcome.”

After that you sort of zoned out because you weren’t interested in hearing the violetblood warble about how lonely he was. Plus, you didn’t want him to realize you were standing right behind him. You’d probably be more interested in Eridan if he wasn’t so rude.

“…idea of offence…”

“…about to hatch it in the core…”

“…You should of told me about this.” Oh no, Eridan sounded annoyed. “If there’s going to be any sort a hope for our race, I demand to be involved. So don’t go anywhere without me, got it?”

Kanaya crossed her arms and frowned deeply.

“But- Fine,” she decided, placing a hand over one eye and looking away from him.

Eridan turned around and started to step off the platform before you got a chance to skip over to Feferi and Sollux.

“Hm, [knayme]?”

“Hello, Eridan…” you greeted, attempting to keep the slight disgust out of your tone. Another shocking, almost euphoric wave crashed through you. The longer you stayed here, the less time you’d have to divide before the subjugglating urges rose.

The only thing worse than having the Prince of Hope try to lure you into a matespritship would be the Prince of Hope desiring a kismessitude with you. Because you didn’t like to be around him. Between acting as a reminder of your own loneliness and the whole discrimination thing… You excused accepted, at best, tolerated it with Equius because he had some sort of authority kink, but there was a reason you didn’t enjoy living by the shoreline.

“I haven’t seen you in a while~”

“Oh, I’ve just needed some time for deep intrapersonal musings. When I wasn’t by myself, I was RPing with Nepet-”

“You know,” he interrupted, resting his chin in his hand and staring into your eyes, “you’re kind of cute when you don’t want to talk to me.”

Your mouth tightened. He knew that when he purposely flirted poorly with you, you either responded in a slightly annoyed or slightly sympathetic manner.

“Eridan,” you answered, going for the coy route. “I really need help finding Gamzee. Could you help me find him?”

If I subtly reject him later, in private, he can’t blame me for flirting if I just say I was politely asking for his assistance…

Yeah, I’m never going to get Eridan off my back.

His eyes widened and almost seemed to glisten. A faint violet hue appeared on his cheeks.

At least he’s a highbloo- Ooh,I’m going to need to clone myself soon.

“Of course I’ll help you,” Eridan answered, reaching his hands out eagerly. You quickly turned your head to face Karkat, you was off diddling by himself in the corner.

“Oh, I haven’t greeted Kar yet! Maybe he’s seen Gamzee!”

Afraid he’d get angry if he thought you were toying with him, you gently grabbed Eridan’s wrist and led him over to Karkat.

“Man, where have you two been?”

You felt mildly angered. Then you realized it was the purple blood and you quelled it.

“…new magic wand?”

“It’s not magic,” Eridan explained, annoyed. “We talked about this, Kar.”

“Right, it’s powered by science. I forgot.”

Sneaking a glance at the couple in the horn pile, you knew that pretty soon things were going to take an unfortunate turn. And you might have to get all aupistice-ful. Considering the fact that Eridan was attempting to get you to become his kismesis or matesprit (now he would probably focus more on the latter), while you thought you could barely stand being his morail…

I just need to focus on finding Gamzee so I can get more sopor into him soon.

“…you dirtscrapers! I thought you and me had a pact or whatever.”

Karkat slumped his shoulders and gave you a look that came off as Way to insult the [boy/girl] you like right in front of [her/him], Ampora.

“Okay, fine, shut up. I apologize,” he said. “I know it’s tough being you.”

“Almost nobody gets it,” Eridan replied arrogantly. That’s when you realized you forgot to let go of his hand. “I had a harder time than anybody with this game.” He bit his lip and his eyes seemed to water slightly behind his glasses.

I don’t have time to listen to the highbl- Eridan,self-pity. I wanna talk to Feferi and Sollux, but with my wannabe matesprit here…

His voice wavered a bit more and he went on to complain about angels and discuss how horrible he was at socializing with Karkat. Frequently, you sent envious glances toward Feferi/Sollux and slowly eased your hand out of admirer’s before he did something creepier than usual, like fondle your cuticles.

“…[knayme]’s excuse is self-imposed isolation, but I had to deal with those awful…”

“…stay out of trouble,” finished Karkat at the same time you said “I’m going to check for any signs of Gam in the horn pile…”

“I’ll come with you, [knayme],” offered Eridan, surprisingly not sweeping past you. By then you were feeling extremely melancholy about your poor social skills. While not as bad as the violetblood’s, you knew having a conversation with him, Feferi, and Sollux wasn’t going to end pleasantly. Not to mention you needed a bisection soon.

“Oh God, it’s him,” remarked Sollux, before turning his head to look at you. “Is he bothering you? [knayme], can you tell him to go away, I don’t even have the energy for this.”

“Hey finles-” began Eridan, before remembering who he was trying to woo. “Sol, you don’t even live anywhere near the water. And this doesn’t concern those with mustard sludge slipping through their veins. It’s a matter for roy- For trolls who are opposite you on the hemospectrum.

“So keep your mouth closed or I’ll slit you open over my next meal.”

“Whatever, bro. Not interested.”

“Eridan, please!” Feferi finally interjected. “I don’t want to see anymore dueling.” Lowering her eyelids and frowning slightly, she continued. “Don’t try to provoke him. It’s not like I don’t know what you’re doing! You keep trying to get me to auspisticize between you two, and pull us out of our quadrant!

“It is the oldest and lamest trick in the book,” she continued. “It didn’t work then and it won’t work now!” The fuchsiablood turned toward you, still mad at her former morail but with pity for you in her gaze. “And are you trying to drag poor-” You winced. (At least she doesn’t think I’m trying to rearrange her quadrants.)“-[knayme] into the ashen quadrant if that doesn’t work?”

“I-”

“That’s an astonishing accusation. How could you say that?” Eridan intervened. “First, as if this scum-” He gestured to Sollux.  “-is even worthy of a rivalry with me. Second, as if I’m not totally DONE with you like I have TOLD you REPEATEDLY. I want to have a few words with you.

…just need to locate Makara.

“Okay Eridan, we can talk, but only if you start being civil,” Peixes said, lowering her eyelids again, but not before throwing you another piteous glance. In response, you looked down at the floor.

If this doesn’t end soon, I might have to run out so I can take care of it.

“That what you never got, Fef. You and I are being civil by the very virtue and the fact we’re talking now. We’re royalty, you and I, and I thought we belonged together.”

The “wwretched” seadwelling boy’s lip started to quiver again. “Even if not in THAT WAY (which I get that you’re not into and that’s fine)…” He bared his razor teeth and raised his voice slightly. “But we are still-”

He’s standing closer to me. I don’t want Captor and Peixes to think that “wwe”...! Your left eye almost seemed to switch spontaneously. An-aaand I can’tt taake much more waitin-ing...!

“-the ruling class, if nothing else.”

“Feferi,” you chimed in, “I really, really need to find Gamzee soon.”

Sollux snorted, probably thinking [He/She’s] not flushed for you, bro.

“[knayme],” Eridan almost pleaded. Your left eyelid experienced another spasm and you turned your head to look away from the trio. This went unnoticed by your would-be matesprit.

“...nothing to fear…new levels of power…” Eridan babbled on. You couldn’t remember not being able to hide away from everyone when the division was so near. All the opportunities to perform the gruesome duty privately might have passed. “...poppycock about luck, which everyone with a thinkpan knows to be the fakest fiction that ever failed to exist.”

Is he talking about Vriska? you pondered. If I could go back, I would have fed my double-goers to that abominable arachnid of a lusus. Because now I’m not sure if Ican split.

Thinking back to Sollux Captor’s “mustard sludge” made you sick…because it was still running through that insolent lowblood’s veins. It belonged, you were beginning to believe, splattered all over the lab.

“…fake wand glow a little and he thinks he’s a fairy god troll or something…!” the yellowblooded troll taunted.

“Was that slander I just heard? I can’t even tell. I tend to block out noise from filth whose blood is practically the complementary-”

You could feel tears start to well up in your eyes. One diluted purple droplet started its descent out of your left tear duct.

“Fef,” you mumbled quietly. Feferi’s eyes had been slowly traveling in your direction and she gave you a concerned look.

“He has a point, though. You may be overestimating your abilities…”

Keep. Eridan. Busy, you mouthed, silently placing one foot behind you. She slowly swiveled her eyeballs back to Ampora and discussed the stab-happy Jack Noir. Another eyelid contraction. Right then you wanted to assault the mustardblood but you were afraid of displeasing the fuschia seadweller.

The violet seadweller said something in a forceful tone of voice and snaked his arm around yours. You could tell that Sollux was enjoying this. Feferi rose her voice.

If only she’d put her pet mustardblood in his place.

The last coherent phrase before you started the split: “As the Prince of Hope I’m uniquely qualified to recognize when all hope is lost.”
***
It started with your bloodpumper. Its frantic and irregular racing slowed down until you were barely conscious of its beat. Your beautiful purple blood seemed to descend from your thinkpan down unto your shoulders.

From then it felt like your high blood was slithering into your ‘pumper and twisting through your arteries and down the veins in your arm. It almost seemed to resist being pushed through your wrist and into the center of your hand.

It felt like your purple blood was spiking through your palm in a frenzy.
***
And then you found yourself hunched over slightly, your head lowered, and holding the hand of your kneeling clone. Cracking your eyes open, you were greeted by bright flashes. Sollux’s bi-colored beam and Eridan’s blindingly white beam collided.

The Prince of Hope threw Sollux so hard, his inoffensive yellow blood oozed out of his sides as his body slid down the wall. In shock you let of your clone’s hand.

Feferi, who was in front of Eridan, raised her hand over Sollux and gripped her trident. You were behind Eridan so you began to scoot away so you wouldn’t be plastered with violet.

“Eri-!”

Peixes turned around. You’d never seen her come anywhere close to the pure detestation she was feeling now. The most positive, or scary, part of the situation was that you weren’t able to see her ex-moirail’s facial expression as he raised his pale wand. Feferi rushed up to impale him.

Out shot a fiery, pearly vapor that pierced through her chest. Fuchsia blood splattered out. Her look of surprise as she dropped her weapon made you realize that your heavily thumping heart hurt.

“…ridan?”

The pile of horns honked as she collapsed on it. Eridan turned around.

Thank the Mirthful Messiahs he didn’t see me. What was I thinking?! “Subtly rejec-”

That’s when you realized your “offspring” had wandered over to the fallen Sollux Captor. Its eyes were closed and you suspected that it was trying to process the fact that a violetblood had murdered a fuschiablood. Now that the Subjugglator’d been ripped out of you, it was hard to guess what went on in its thinkpan.

A minute explosion made you swivel your neck only to see the Matriorb annihilated. Kanaya’s appalled face would have been almost comical, but it was suddenly made horrific by the revving of a chainsaw. Eridan pointed his wand at the enraged jadeblood, who in turn raised her weapon and sprang at him.

It was like Feferi all over again. The chainsaw toppled down as Kanaya Maryam splatted against the floor.

“Eridan!”

Your clone was leisurely making its way towards him, on the opposite side of you. There was a badly concealed bounce in its step as it approached the one who slaughtered a quarter of the other surviving trolls.

[knayme] II POV
He looked a bit surprised at first when you caught his attention but his expression softened when he saw the soft smile you were fighting to keep down.

“[knayme],” he breathed.

Although you weren’t happy about what happened with fuchsiablood Feferi, he was the only Alternian royal left. And you wanted to change his mind about joining Noir. The “vvioletblood” would make such an exquisite leader! If you could de-soporize Gamzee, you were sure Equius, Vriska, Terezi, Nepeta, Tavros, and Karkat could be made to comply with their highbloods’ demands.

Once I’m done courting Eridan, I’ll find Gamzee and apologize for repressing the purple blood.
End [knayme] II POV

What would he do to me if I tried to kill his only shot at a redrom? you thought as the two absconded, hand in hand. He didn’t even see me split. He doesn’t know that’s not me.

“Eridan’s going to be in for the shock of a lifetime when he realizes that he just made off with something on my to-kill list,” you told the wide-eyed, jaw-dropped Karkat.